A dumb title, a picture of a hat, and a new entry within a week of the last one? Yeah, things are happening here! I’ve got tons of stuff written down on paper, but nothing entered. Why? Because my computer has been slow for months! You see, I have a lot going on… None of it that important, just lots of little things, enough that I have a few windows and tabs open in Microsoft Edge at all times… Seventy-four to be exact. It’s amazing, when I utilized the favourites folders and closed seventy different tabs, everything quit locking up. I’m back!
So I’ve got this uncle… Actually, he’s not my uncle, he’s my great uncle. Well… He’s not technically related to me. My great uncle passed away before I was born, and this guy moved in with my great aunt. I guess you could call him my great stepuncle. They both liked drinking, and it worked. Anyways, she passed away decades ago, and he’s been a bachelor/solo alcoholic ever since. Recently, he moved into a care home, and people keep hearing he passed away. I haven’t heard anything from the family, so I refer to him as Schrodinger’s Uncle: Until I get the official word, he can be thought of as both alive and dead. Creepy, hey?
Now, to tie the hat into all of this. My great aunt had an adult son. He never lived with my great stepuncle, but he only lived a few blocks away in a big, old, two-storey house. A few of his friends also lived there, all of them in their twenties, so needless to say, it was a constant party. The movie Animal House was released around this time, and since the “Delta House” was the place to party, it only seemed fitting to name their house after it. “Delta East”. Two blocks West of there was another rental house: “Delta West”. It was a decent spot, apparently, but wasn’t as renowned as Delta East.
Why was Delta East renowned? It just so happened to be next door to the home of the editor of the local newspaper. He hated Delta East with a passion, such a passion that he actually put a huge exposé on the cover of his newspaper. If I had a copy, I’d have a picture posted, and although I can’t remember the title, there was a picture of an unattended rifle leaning on the white picket fence out front. The exposé covered everything from loud music, to substance abuse, to firearms, and even mentioned public sex acts on a picnic table out back. How awesome! Eventually, the novelty wore off, people grew up or moved away, and the house was abandoned. It was demolished later on, in the late eighties I believe. Luckily, it lasted long enough that they got some felt-lettered, foam-n-mesh hats made up.
My great stepuncle came into my work about five years back, wearing one of the legendary “Delta East” hats, possibly the last one in existence. I told him that I wanted to be put into his will for that hat, and only that hat. He left, and came back ten minutes later, wearing a different hat. He set this one on the counter and said “here ya go, don’t have to worry about it later this way. I’ve got lots of hats.” I told my cousin about it, to which he replied “I hope you washed it. Last time I stopped by his house, it smelled like an Arab’s ass in August.” Believe me when I tell you, Febreze and Raid can make a used hat new again.